My husband, patient and understanding man that he has been while we assist each other in caring for the kupuna, said I should write about my day-this day-June 3, 2009.
Where do I start? I should probably begin with the kupuna who INSISTED that she didn't WANT a cell phone. This is my mother who fell and couldn't contact me because her cell phone was home, in a box, in a desk, in the back bedroom and she wanted me to take it away.
This morning I was at her condo--able to actually get in without having to rely on the kindness of strangers or their willingness to flaunt the condo rule about not letting in someone you don't know. (How could they NOT know the woman spelling-at the top of her voice-in the entryway-trying to get into her mother's building. They ALL know me.)
What was I doing at her condo? I was bringing her another cellphone. Actually, I was bringing back the first cell phone I took away because she didn't want a cell phone. She still had the cell phone I left for her but was refusing to use. Got that. Two cell phones and one sim card.
My mother said that I "took the phone away from her" and because I did that she couldn't call my brother and sister who live in California. When I gave her the first phone, because she gets "free" long distance calling on my plan, she gave up her long distance carrier on the land line.
Are you with me so far? This is beginning to sound like that old Abbot and Costello" routine "Who's on First?".
How did I get on third base--uh--here in my mother's apartment with two phones, switching sim cards? Oh yes. I know. My mother now wants a cell phone so she can call long distance. I had transferred one working, loaded sim card to the cell phone she said she wanted.
I flipped open the phone I'd left with her and she said "What's that?"
"It has a camera?"
"I want this phone."
She wants this phone-the one she put in a plastic bag and stuck in a corner of her bedroom for so long that the battery needed to be recharged.
So I took the sim card out of the phone I brought and put it in the phone she now wants. Then I put my brother and sister on speed-dial and snickered as I did. I called my brother and, with no warning, handed the phone to my mother.
"I'm going to remember this." was my brother's fond farewell to me. "See you in Sacramento."
Of course my response as befitting an older, more mature sibling was "nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah".
Hah! So the good-after the confusing and contradictory turn of events is that my mother now has a cell phone she actually wants. The irony of my mother's cell phone is that the only ringtone she can hear is the theme from "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly". I know this will ring while she's at church on Sunday.
But wait-there's more.
I was reviewing the minutes for all the phones I pay for--mostly numbers I knew from knowing the habits of the phone users. Our millenial, the WoW non-roamer guy; my husband the bowler; my mother-in-law who actually uses her cell phone to connect with long distance family and the kupuna who has the "prodigal" cell phone (it leaves and returns again).
The last call logged on the cell phone bill for his number was May 26th, 2009. Today is June 3. Why aren't there more phone calls on this cell phone? Why did they stop? So I called this kupuna on his cell phone. There's no voicemail set up on his cell phone and I couldn't talk to him. I called his land line.
No, the phone is not lost but he's decided he doesn't want a cell phone because this one isn't working well.
I think my head hurts.
On Sunday, I'm stopping by to re-boot the cell phone's system. If that doesn't work, and after all of these adventures, we have a spare, unused cell phone. I'll switch a sim card-again. This way I will know that he has a way to contact us immediately--even if he falls again and can't reach the phone. He was the cell phone on a clipped on carrier.
I'm tempted to celebrate the good--each kupuna has a working cell phone. But I have seen the ugly. (See prior post )
And now I'm expecting, not without some trepidation, the "what now" portion of this tale.
I will keep reminding myself that I am grateful that all three 80-somethings are alive, healthy enough to run us ragged and able to USE cell phones.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Ongoing Saga of the Cellphones
Complain-complain-complain!
On the good side--the kupuna who lost the cell phone found it again. Well, he didn't find it-his mechanic found it last week. He told me today that he keeps trying to use it to call me but it won't let him. Sigh.
I had to tell him that he can't use it because I suspended the line in January after he told me he lost it at Christmas.
But it gets better--or worse depending on how you look at it.
My son had a Go-phone--one of those disposable pre-paid cell phones that were being targeted by a scammer in New Jersey with messages that try to make someone believe that their car warranty is expiring and they MUST call this number now. Apparently it was effective because there were people being duped into calling that bogus number. It was just an irritant for my son because he doesn't own a car.
Since the kupuna couldn't use the cell phone number assigned to him because he'd lost the cell phone, I had it re-assigned to my son. I was already paying for the line and couldn't STOP paying for it. So, why pay for a Go-phone when there's a "pre-paid" line all set up-so to speak.
Then the situation got even more peculiar;my son started getting voice messages for someone named "Emmanuel". Who???
The first message was from a bank where "Emmanuel" had set up a new account. That was scary enough that my son called the bank about the message. He was told by their very courteous customer service representative "Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We'll get back to you."
The second message was from a friend who wanted "Emmanuel" to help him move some furniture.
The phone rang again and I answered it--not that I'm in the habit of invading my son's privacy but it was sitting next to my laptop recharging when it rang. So, like a good Mom, I picked it up intending to call my son away from WoW (see earlier post on World of Warcraft) to answer his phone.
The young lady on the line asked for "Emmanuel". I verified with her that she was calling my son's number and told her that "Emmanuel" did not own this phone. She apologized and I called my cell phone service provider. While I had the representative on the line I checked the calls that were being made and sure enough, there were calls I knew my son had not made.
Our youngest is not like his brother and sister--but more like the people he plays WoW with...they communicate by chatting during a game or session. He uses his cell phone to call us from work or wherever he's roaming. Since he doesn't roam very often, the numbers he calls are pretty familiar.
Needless to say, after service provider heard our story and saw the account which verified the situation, a new number was assigned to our son.
Okay-problem resolved...I thought...until I spoke to the kupuna this morning. Sigh-again.
Well-now I'm going to pick up the prodigal phone and get a new sim card installed which will cost me more money but provide peace of mind that the second most mobile kupuna again has a cell phone--for now--until he forgets where he put it again.
On Mother's Day, I will return my mother's cell phone to her with the volume set as high as it can go. Then they'll all have working cell phones again...for now...which is as good as it gets sometimes.
On the good side--the kupuna who lost the cell phone found it again. Well, he didn't find it-his mechanic found it last week. He told me today that he keeps trying to use it to call me but it won't let him. Sigh.
I had to tell him that he can't use it because I suspended the line in January after he told me he lost it at Christmas.
But it gets better--or worse depending on how you look at it.
My son had a Go-phone--one of those disposable pre-paid cell phones that were being targeted by a scammer in New Jersey with messages that try to make someone believe that their car warranty is expiring and they MUST call this number now. Apparently it was effective because there were people being duped into calling that bogus number. It was just an irritant for my son because he doesn't own a car.
Since the kupuna couldn't use the cell phone number assigned to him because he'd lost the cell phone, I had it re-assigned to my son. I was already paying for the line and couldn't STOP paying for it. So, why pay for a Go-phone when there's a "pre-paid" line all set up-so to speak.
Then the situation got even more peculiar;my son started getting voice messages for someone named "Emmanuel". Who???
The first message was from a bank where "Emmanuel" had set up a new account. That was scary enough that my son called the bank about the message. He was told by their very courteous customer service representative "Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We'll get back to you."
The second message was from a friend who wanted "Emmanuel" to help him move some furniture.
The phone rang again and I answered it--not that I'm in the habit of invading my son's privacy but it was sitting next to my laptop recharging when it rang. So, like a good Mom, I picked it up intending to call my son away from WoW (see earlier post on World of Warcraft) to answer his phone.
The young lady on the line asked for "Emmanuel". I verified with her that she was calling my son's number and told her that "Emmanuel" did not own this phone. She apologized and I called my cell phone service provider. While I had the representative on the line I checked the calls that were being made and sure enough, there were calls I knew my son had not made.
Our youngest is not like his brother and sister--but more like the people he plays WoW with...they communicate by chatting during a game or session. He uses his cell phone to call us from work or wherever he's roaming. Since he doesn't roam very often, the numbers he calls are pretty familiar.
Needless to say, after service provider heard our story and saw the account which verified the situation, a new number was assigned to our son.
Okay-problem resolved...I thought...until I spoke to the kupuna this morning. Sigh-again.
Well-now I'm going to pick up the prodigal phone and get a new sim card installed which will cost me more money but provide peace of mind that the second most mobile kupuna again has a cell phone--for now--until he forgets where he put it again.
On Mother's Day, I will return my mother's cell phone to her with the volume set as high as it can go. Then they'll all have working cell phones again...for now...which is as good as it gets sometimes.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
when you stop it feels better
At least that's what my sister tells me on Skype as she watches me slap my forehead. She also tells me that if I stop I won't leave a handprint on my forehead.
Why, you ask, am I slapping my forehead?
My mother fell at church on Sunday. No one called us. She drove herself home.
Where was her cell phone that I so diligently purchased and put on my plan so she could CALL me when she needs me? It was
-in a box,
-in a drawer,
-in a desk in the back bedroom at her condo...NOT in her purse.
My mom fell. This scares the heck out of me. I didn't know until she got home and she didn't call me first--probably because I've become something of an overbearing nag lately--she called the other kupuna--who called me. He told me NOT to call because she said she was going to take a NAP AND NOT TO BOTHER HER which is code for "don't tell Pat and leave me alone".
Head slapping time.
My sister called instead and I got more of the story--she had a bruise on her face and her hand was swollen. At that point I didn't care who was cranky I was ready to get in the car and go to her place regardless of what happened the last time there was an emergency. Emergency medical personnel see it all--my encounter with my mother in the ER went about as expected--not well. She wasn't the patient. She stalked off--with her walker-- and I stayed with the kupuna who was actually the patient in the ER.
I called her. Told her I was coming to her place tomorrow. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I have a non-threatening demeanor which means that people in her condo let me through the security doors. Or they know that I'm the daughter of the lady who can't hear her intercom--they've heard me yelling and spelling, trying to be let in.
She was not fine. She had a bruise on her eye and a matching one on her hand. She wouldn't let the people at church call an ambulance. She drove herself home. We negotiated...although she seems to be recanting on part of her agreement to go and see a doctor. Fall, bruise on face near head--80 year old woman--she should see a doctor and carry her cell phone even if she can't hear it. I put it on vibrate so that she could carry it.
And I repeated, the phone is not for her to GET calls but to MAKE them.
My sister says she doesn't trust it because it's a leash--something I can use to keep track of her. This is true and I don't care--as long as she has it in her possession when she needs it. Actually, I don't even have to know where the phone is to track her and that's probably why she left it in the box, in the back room, in the desk. The leash-er, cell phone--is an infringement on her independence that she doesn't want yet.
Now I want to put a GPS LEASH on her with intermittent satellite signals so that I will know where she is and immediate feedback. If this sounds like the overwrought parent of a fifteen year old going out on her first date, yup--you're right. I want to know where she is--always.
She also knows that seeing a doctor with the fresh bruises on her face will probably have them strongly suggest that she stop driving. The other option is to take away the keys to her car. That Gunfight at the OK Corral is looming on the horizon.
So what does this mean in terms of technology and the way people approach it? Technology tethers you to itself, to other people using the same technology--to the rest of the communication web of which we are all becoming a part. When she leaves the phone at home, she is completely on her own. My mother is an independent, capable person who is, unfortunately, not as sure of her footing as she was ten or even two years ago.
What should have been a safety net, a helping technology has become a threat. These issues don't change because the technology gets better, faster, smarter. The feeling of threat actually gets worse and isn't limited by age. My mother thinks my brother, sister and I speak a different language by using technology and one that is incomprehensible to her.
I've warned my husband that my cousins' kids, the ones who have friended me on Myspace and Facebook, speak a completely different culture with values we don't fully comprehend although they are our children. When I get to be 80, I wonder if I will put the communication tags the kids will give us in a box in the back bedroom? Or will I be brave enough to ask how to use it?
Why, you ask, am I slapping my forehead?
My mother fell at church on Sunday. No one called us. She drove herself home.
Where was her cell phone that I so diligently purchased and put on my plan so she could CALL me when she needs me? It was
-in a box,
-in a drawer,
-in a desk in the back bedroom at her condo...NOT in her purse.
My mom fell. This scares the heck out of me. I didn't know until she got home and she didn't call me first--probably because I've become something of an overbearing nag lately--she called the other kupuna--who called me. He told me NOT to call because she said she was going to take a NAP AND NOT TO BOTHER HER which is code for "don't tell Pat and leave me alone".
Head slapping time.
My sister called instead and I got more of the story--she had a bruise on her face and her hand was swollen. At that point I didn't care who was cranky I was ready to get in the car and go to her place regardless of what happened the last time there was an emergency. Emergency medical personnel see it all--my encounter with my mother in the ER went about as expected--not well. She wasn't the patient. She stalked off--with her walker-- and I stayed with the kupuna who was actually the patient in the ER.
I called her. Told her I was coming to her place tomorrow. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I have a non-threatening demeanor which means that people in her condo let me through the security doors. Or they know that I'm the daughter of the lady who can't hear her intercom--they've heard me yelling and spelling, trying to be let in.
She was not fine. She had a bruise on her eye and a matching one on her hand. She wouldn't let the people at church call an ambulance. She drove herself home. We negotiated...although she seems to be recanting on part of her agreement to go and see a doctor. Fall, bruise on face near head--80 year old woman--she should see a doctor and carry her cell phone even if she can't hear it. I put it on vibrate so that she could carry it.
And I repeated, the phone is not for her to GET calls but to MAKE them.
My sister says she doesn't trust it because it's a leash--something I can use to keep track of her. This is true and I don't care--as long as she has it in her possession when she needs it. Actually, I don't even have to know where the phone is to track her and that's probably why she left it in the box, in the back room, in the desk. The leash-er, cell phone--is an infringement on her independence that she doesn't want yet.
Now I want to put a GPS LEASH on her with intermittent satellite signals so that I will know where she is and immediate feedback. If this sounds like the overwrought parent of a fifteen year old going out on her first date, yup--you're right. I want to know where she is--always.
She also knows that seeing a doctor with the fresh bruises on her face will probably have them strongly suggest that she stop driving. The other option is to take away the keys to her car. That Gunfight at the OK Corral is looming on the horizon.
So what does this mean in terms of technology and the way people approach it? Technology tethers you to itself, to other people using the same technology--to the rest of the communication web of which we are all becoming a part. When she leaves the phone at home, she is completely on her own. My mother is an independent, capable person who is, unfortunately, not as sure of her footing as she was ten or even two years ago.
What should have been a safety net, a helping technology has become a threat. These issues don't change because the technology gets better, faster, smarter. The feeling of threat actually gets worse and isn't limited by age. My mother thinks my brother, sister and I speak a different language by using technology and one that is incomprehensible to her.
I've warned my husband that my cousins' kids, the ones who have friended me on Myspace and Facebook, speak a completely different culture with values we don't fully comprehend although they are our children. When I get to be 80, I wonder if I will put the communication tags the kids will give us in a box in the back bedroom? Or will I be brave enough to ask how to use it?
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